A Life Worthwhile
by swlfangirl
Summary: Dean has a death wish and Castiel can't take it anymore.. One Shot not nearly as fluffy as my other pieces but happy Destiel ending! All my works are rated M just in case... I don't want to be responsible for "Undervaluing their maturity" lol


A/N: Okay guys, I'm usually all fluff and kittens and rainbows... this is a little ... less fluff more... I dunno! But, anyway I hope you enjoy it. Happy ending though.. so there's that to look forward to!

Oh and a full double shot of awesome sauce for anyone who can tell me what the .. not fluff is classified as lol .. Be sure to let me know what you think, even if you hate it! lol All my luv guys!

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Dean had been throwing himself into his work recently. He'd risked his life so much that Sam was concerned. Which, well anyone would be a little crazy after what they both had been through. But he thought things were better... they were better right? But Dean just kept on going.. throwing himself to the wolves... LITERALLY. They'd run into a pack of werewolves and Dean decided to take six of them on at the same time, while Sam slept the night away in the Impala. He didn't even bother waking him, and if Sam was honest about the whole thing he'd admit it really hurt.

The very next night he chased down a poltergeist, got slung around, broke a couple of ribs and finally got rid of the son of a bitch. Sam had literally just patted down the last piece of tape over the bandaged torso when Dean mentioned leaving to kill something else. Sam was fed up and decided he wasn't taking it anymore.

"Dean! What the hell man?"

"What?"

"I'm not looking for a way out anymore, no more picket fence dreams. But, what you're doing is gonna end up getting us both killed. You can't keep this up."

"What are you talking about Sam, I'm just doing the job."

"No, doing the job has never been throwing yourself into situations without the proper research. Or not even waking me up while you take on a whole fucking Pack of werewolves. Dean whatever the hell this is, we need to talk about it. "

"No we don't, last time I checked the Winchester Specialty was bottling all this shit up. I'm just following the family traditions."

"Dean I can't help you if you don't let me know what the hell is going on!"

He took a breath and a moment to calm himself before continuing.

" Uh...um... Is this about Cas?"

Sam talked as if he were walking on eggshells. But, he knew it was a sensitive topic for his brother.

"Dammit Sam, Just shut your mouth and leave me alone bitch!"

Sam didn't even have the heart to bite back with his regular jerk. Instead he just sighed before laying down to get some sleep.

The next week they found themselves in Loveland, Ohio ghost hunting. The locals had been extremely helpful and it didn't take long to figure out where the crazy bitch was buried. So the boys got to work at the graveyard and start digging.

"Sam I know you're the brains and all, but don't you think you can put that Gigantor body of yours to use and help me with this."

"Dean I would love to man, but Garth just texted me said I needed to check something out over at the woman's house."

"Yeah right, you just don't wanna do manual labor bitch."

"Whatever Jerk! Either way, a text is a text and I need to go. I'll be back soon, shouldn't take more than.. *Sam stopped to survey how deep Dean had dug* twenty or thirty minutes tops.

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Okay so maybe things had been suspiciously too easy, but didn't they deserve to catch a break every now and again. Surely they deserved just one stupid easy case!

Nope, not even close. Again no, apparently they didn't.

When Dean finally hit the wood of the coffin he popped the lid open and instead of the bones of a crazy lady, he's confronted by raging psychopathic ghost.

He eventually burns the bones but not before she slices his arm open on the shovel and throws him into a mausoleum effectively knocking him out.

Sam found Dean lying lifeless near the grave and had no idea what happened. His instincts told him Dean would be mad as hell but it didn't stop him.

"Castiel, Dean's hurt unconscious or something, ...I don't.."

He stopped short when he heard the flutter of wings beside him.

Castiel put his hands on the stagnant man in an attempt to heal him but nothing happened.

"I do not understand this, he seems to be suffering from minor injuries and yet I cannot heal him."

"Well maybe there's something wrong with your mojo."

"I can assure you that my Grace would normally be more than sufficient against such minor wounds."

'Well then what the hell are we supposed to do?"

"I do not know Sam, I will transport him back to the motel so you don't have to carry him. There we will come up with what Dean would call a {Game-plan} if that's okay with you."

"Well I'm not really okay with it, but we don't have much of a choice I guess. Thank you for your help Castiel."

The angel nods before disappearing with Dean over his shoulder. If Dean wasn't in yet another life or death emergency, Sam would have found it hilarious.

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Hours later they still had no idea what they were dealing with and Dean was still very much unconscious.

"I will return to heaven, maybe I can find some information on what happened."

"You're leaving?"

"No Sam, I assure you I'll only be gone a few moments.. I would never abandon Dean in this state. I would think you should know that."

Sam immediately felt guilty for what he said. With everything that had gone on between Dean and Cas whatever this new found animosity was about was beyond him. Even a blind monk who'd never been in the presence of another human being, would know that Castiel loved Dean.

Twenty minutes later while Sam was doing as much research as he could on the ghost of Larissa Whitton he heard something.

"Sammy? Where am I?"

"Dean! Thank God! I thought you were dying!"

"I don't see any reason in bringing that douche bag into this."

"Dean, don't say that. You know he's back up there now..He's trying to fix things."

"Yeah well he could have done that before all hell broke loose."

Before he could get another word out there was a flapping of wings and Sam mentally winced for not remembering to tell his brother immediately.

"Well well, look at what the Cat dragged in. I guess in this situation Sammy here's the kitten that pulled your ass down here?"

"I'm glad to see you're no longer unconscious Dean. However, I have some unfortunate news.."

"Oh you mean your Daddy's not done with his little chess pieces?"

Castiel just shook his head in disappointment.

"My father has noticed your recent hobby of seeking Death. He's informed me that while he made the human body to be resilient, yours will no longer be such. Any wounds you incur from now on shall be permanent, including the cut on your arm. You will find that new skin will not cover it in protection."

"Told you Sammy, Douche bag!" He said yelling toward the ceiling.

"So what does this mean, just cuts and bruises or all wounds?" Sam asked gently.

"Every infliction shall have no cure, even I do not possess the ability to heal him anymore."

"Yeah well nobody needs you anyway, you can lift your feathery ass back up to your cloud and back in daddy's good graces. Wouldn't want to spend too much time with us mud monkeys, we might lead you down the path of evil."

Even Sam was taken aback by Dean's hurtful words toward the angel.

"Samuel, you deserve a vacation. Tell me where you'd like to go and I'll send you."

Sam definitely noticed the lack of choice he had in the matter. So he figured he better get what he could out of it.

"Beach Front Mansion, Maui!"

Seconds later, he was gone leaving Dean alone with a very pissed off angel.

"Just great! Sam gets a trip to the sunny beaches of Hawaii, and I'm stuck here with you."

"Dean we need to have a talk."

"Say whatever the hell you want Cas, I'm gonna catch some Z's"

"If you give me this moment of your time, I will never again stand in your presence. If that's what you wish."

Dean felt the air flee from his lungs. He was choking on the words that Castiel had just threw at him. He couldn't think about it too long for fear of breaking down.

"Fine, Whatever say what you gotta say."

"Dean Winchester, you will not blame my father for this. It is I that has inadvertently caused your current predicament. My father was just more... creative.. than I imagined. I..I saw what you were doing, the way you were behaving and I couldn't watch it anymore. I understand that your job is not one of daisies, kittens, and rainbows. However, I also know that you've been far too careless with your own life, and it's done nothing but torture me. I knew that talking to you, asking you to stop this foolishness would not get me the result I wanted. So, I asked father if there was anything he could do to make you understand your value, your importance to me, to Sam, to all of humanity. Your human life is so short in any respect, but the fact that you are willing to sacrifice what you have left in this world for some sort of chemical high is unfathomable. I have watched you for years, I've studied you, I've treasured you in every single way you would let me, and I still cannot understand why you are unable to see the quality of your life, your soul, your everything. I have loved you for so long now that I'm not sure there was a time in my existence that I didn't love you, and I have existed since beyond your knowledge of time itself."

Castiel moved closer to him, sitting down beside him with more fear, worry, and hopelessness in his eyes than Dean had ever seen.

"You will think of it as an ultimatum and I'm fairly certain I'm not going to like the outcome.. It's the Winchester tradition to fight, when your back is against the wall.. oddly one of my more favorite qualities in you. However this is the situation as it is. You will stop, just stop, intentionally endangering your life, even if you cannot learn your importance to the people who care about you, at the very least you will try to empathize with them. You will do things that will help you to enjoy life as you hunt, so you can appreciate the wonders that humanity provides as well as the evils. Or, You will continue on your current path and you will die, and soon. If you choose to continue hunting in your current condition, I can assure you that your life span will shrink from possibly fifty or sixty more years to less than six months. I will no longer watch as you tear yourself apart for amusement. That is my offer, I cannot make it any more clear than that. If you choose to not choose, I will go back to heaven. I will find some small corner that has never heard the name Dean Winchester, and I will sit there until I have no recollection of you, or turn to dust whichever shall come first."

"Cas.. I .. I can't.."

"I understand, I will go now."

"NOO!"

"Dean, whatever you choose is fine. I just cannot let you break me any more. I've become so tired, I'm of no use to anyone, because I have no fight left in me. You've taken it all, I've fought for you, fought beside you, fought with you, and now I'm just tired. I'm so tired Dean. Please, don't make me watch you die. I don't think I will survive it."

The angel in tears now, just holding his head in his hands. He was doing everything he could not to look Dean in the eye.

"Cas.. did you mean what you said?"

"Dean I have never spoke truer words than the words I have said to you today."

"I mean, when you said you .. ya know.. you loved me. Did you mean you love me like ... you know, like you love Sam or like you love all Humanity?"

"No Dean, I do not love you the same way as I love Sam or humanity. I love you like your father loved your mother, we are what you might call soul-mates. We were made for one another.. I for you and you for me. I am well aware that my male vessel is not to your liking and I will accept the circumstances of not having a romantic relationship with you. I just .. I can't watch you effectively try to commit suicide on a daily basis."

"What? Soul-mates? We are soul-mates? How long have you known that little tidbit Cas?"

"Dean I told you we share a profound bond. I didn't know precisely what it was, until father came back and explained it to me. I just thought I was in love with the Righteous Man who would never return that love. I did not know that it was simply my vessel that you were disgusted by."

"If you're so in love with me why did you go running back to Daddy to get as far away from me as you could? If you're so in love with me CASTIEL, why didn't you say something?"

"I went to Heaven because I have work to do there Dean, just as you have hunting to do here. I did not go to get away from you. I would love nothing more than to be at your side constantly, but you do not wish me to be, so I do the best I can to keep a safe distance."

"You keep saying all this stuff, but I don't know where you're getting it from. Who told you I was disgusted by your vessel, who told you that I didn't love you or want you near me, Who told you that I would never love you in return?'

That's when Castiel looked up at Dean, confusion and anger in his eyes.

"You did Dean, you told me all those things. Maybe not in those exact words but you have said as much constantly for the entire time we've been acquainted."

"Okay, I'll give you that.. uh this is so hard... I hate being in a damn chick flick... I've got it.. why don't you just read my mind and you can tell what I'm thinking, that way I don't have to say it."

"I'm sorry Dean, I am not able to do that."

"Why not?"

Castiel looked slightly embarrassed.

"My father did not wish to risk that my loyalty to you would outweigh his... project so to speak. He was afraid that I would heal you despite his wishes."

"So you're mojo is cut off?"

"As of a few minutes ago Yes, and it shall remain that way as long as you are in this situation."

"So you're saying if I say no to your previous offer, that you'll be without your grace until I die?"

Cas mumbled something under his breath.

"CAS!"

"I do not want to influence your decision and I do not want to lie to you. So, please do not ask again."

"Cas dammit tell me!"

"Fine Dean, since this is my last fight I might as well make it worthwhile. Even when you die, if you've not learned the lesson I shall remain without my grace."

"What the HELL Castiel! Why the fuck would you do this to yourself."

"I don't know DEAN, why don't you tell me what made you take on a pack of six werewolves, ALONE! When your brother was less than a mile away."

"Because I don't want to live without you anymore!"

Dean looked just as shocked as Castiel when the words escaped his mouth. Silence fell in the room and neither of them really knew what to say next.

When the silence lifted it was Castiel to speak first.

"Dean you are never without me. I know it may seem that way when I'm in heaven, but there is not a minute, a second, a millisecond of time when I am not with you. I'm not sure you are aware of this but even the angels who care about humanity, can take years before answering a prayer. When you call on me I'm here within a few minutes if at all possible. Do you not understand how rare that is? Do you not know that I would give anything and everything I could give to be with you constantly. If you wanted me I would have ripped the grace from me with my own hands, if I needed to. You Dean Winchester, will never be without me if that is not your wish."

Dean couldn't stand it anymore. He surged forward and harshly pressed his lips to the angel's. He didn't move them for what felt like an eternity. He just wanted Cas to know, to feel, everything he felt. He wanted that chaste simple kiss to explain all the things he couldn't. The passion, the trust, the love that he felt for the Angel.

When he pulled away he noticed the cut on his arm was no longer bandaged or open.

"Don't you EVER leave me again!"

"Don't you EVER let me go. I love you Dean Winchester"

"I Love You Too Cas." Whispered so silently that if he wasn't an angel Castiel might not have heard it.

So Sam's in Maui, Would that count as part of the whole .. take joy in life aspect... Cause I might be okay with a few days in the sand and the sun with my brother and a certain blue-eyed angel.


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